Why do I smear my paintings?

I began smearing my paintings during my last semester of my undergrad. I was in an art block for 2 years, making work just to get by in my classes. It was painful to hate all of my work for years because creating was such a vital part of my expression/identity since age 16. In February of 2022 I had a meeting with my professor where I asked if there was anything that could help me create work I was excited about. After a few talks about what is and isn't working he said "Don't be afraid to fuck it up". I took that piece of advice and placed my hand on the canvas to smear my realistic painting. I was so anxious doing the action, I took notice of the effects it had. Being a perfectionist most of my life with the need for control because of my lack during childhood was shown to me in that first smear. I continued to practice this as it got me excited for not only my personal growth, but I also knew others needed this awareness as well.

Artist Statement

 My work goes through techniques of smearing realism portraits and exploring spaces portraying imaginary worlds. Through the smearing is an attempt to work through the perfectionism that causes paralyzation to not do anything in fear of judgment and self doubt. The secondary effect of perfection is relieved by depicting a surreal visual experience in an effort to escape reality. The saturated colors mixed with realistic palettes is a way to convey how to bring these wanted dream escapes to reality.  Through the smears I am able to give real time effects it has on a viewer through videos by experiencing the action. Vibrant light sources alongside saturated color schemes are a way to convey the hope within the darkness that many of us feel may last a lifetime.

Background

Born in 1997, I grew up in North Texas most of my life. I clung onto art in highschool, specifically dry mediums such as pastel chalk, colored pencil, and charcoal to express how I was feeling through an unstable upbringing. I had a curiosity with non-realistic colors on ordinary subjects such as plants, figures and animals. Gravitating toward portraits, then fascinated toward the strong emotion eyes can hold.  Pursuing my passion, I started at Tarrant Community College then challenged myself to apply to an art program at University of North Texas where I achieved my Bachelors of Fine Arts in Drawing and Painting. Through my studies I was influenced by the surrealism era, whimsical figurative work, folklore and symbolism found in nature. While combining these styles, I embraced purposeful mess ups and the organic shapes made from them. My artwork has been shown in group exhibitions in North Texas from Denton to Fort Works Art in Fort Worth. I’ve been focusing on oil paint for 4 years.